Trick and Troll
by Puncore
Summary: It was a monster mash of a whole new kind.


"Bring me another!"

John hollered at Gamzee as he hunched over the counter with a goofy grin on his face. Most nights he wouldn't ever dare to get as drunk as Roxy but tonight was going to be different. After they had beaten the game, started up a new civilization, time travel, and finally after everyone became a ruler they went off to a wedding.

It was between Rose and Kanaya, a long time friend along with a past victim of his pranks. He made sure to tell Rose's bride to be about that time he impersonated her just for giggles. To which it became a funny story of the past that they shared a laugh over. Though after all the initial celebrating the new married couple decided for their wedding reception to take place at night.

Thinking it would be a interesting change from the normal proceedings as Rose puts it. Then to break off even further from tradition it was going to be a masquerade party. Where the guests and hosts would show up with the appropriate attire that would be sent by code for their alchemiters. Surprising even John as he noticed that the mask and wigs made, also hid troll horns as well.

He was going to have a hard time finding the person he was suppose meet tonight. Though he could live with that fact, even if he never met up with Terezi as another drink was put in front of him.

"Thanks motherfucker!" He chanted.

On that note Gamzee took a bow like a musical conductor, "No problem man, but I got to ask. Why you hittin your kinds wicked elixir so hard tonight?"

He groaned, "Ugh, I don't wanna talk or think about it..."

"Oh come on motherfucker it can't be that bad."

"It's pretty bad, like the idea that anyone thought you of all people should be running a mini bar bad." He replied.

Suddenly the only person not in costume started to pretend that some invisible arrow had struck him in whatever trolls called a heart. While John sipped his drink saying, "Yeah, yeah, I get that someone has been teaching you sarcasm but your acting leaves a lot to be desired."

"Shit man, your a tough crowd."

He sighed, "Look I'm sorry. No, wait I take that back after remembering all the crap Dave's told me about you. But what I want to say is, maybe this person I'm trying my best to avoid right now is just-um, how should I say it?"

"A miracle?"

"No, more like fucking scary." He deadpanned.

Despite having Roxy as a girlfriend their relationship was pretty open seeing as she had Calliope on the side. Granted a polygamist relationship seemed to be a common occurrence with himself and his friends. As for a example look no further than the never ending threesomes of Jade, Dave, and Karkat. Though his own second partner in crime was a bit intense when it came to the bedroom.

He was down for their little games of one ups man-ship with the fake guilt tripping, the normal exchange of how one was dumber than the other. Along with how they talked for hours and even role-played in a pseudo court room. With him defending his yellow loafers an why they didn't belong in the trash. Though the jury was out, an to this day he would claim multiple times that the reason he lost the case was because the prosecution was totally threatening said jury.

Meanwhile John laid his head on the counter top trying to remember what it was he was more annoyed at. His shoes being one-hundred percent proven trash in a fictional court of law or the fact that Terezi like to prod his rear end with a gaint-

*SNAP*

Went Gamzee's fingers in front of his face, "Yo brother you doing alright? You look paler than normal an thats like motherfucking transparent by the looks of it."

John sat back up, "Oh sorry, I think shes given me P.T.S.D. at this rate."

"Shit man I never knew you had pulsating tenta-bulge secretion disorder. Here I'll go get ya a whole fucking bottle."

"No! I don't have whatever the hell that is." He steamed.

Gamzee let out a sigh of relief. Really the clown was starting to drive him up the wall but on the other hand, "Though bring me a bottle please."

 **A couple of minutes later...**

John was super wasted and he knew it, not just because he was starting to find Gamzee funny. His regret only grew as he looked through the empty glass bottle in front of him. However he knew one thing he could do that would snap him out of this funk. Unfortunately this was probably going to make him regret his actions whenever he sobered back up.

So with misguided confidence he started to make obscure Nick Cage quotes.

"This is fight night!" He squawked at the clown.

"Yeah I'm pretty sure your gone brother." Though as Gamzee took the empty bottle away John started to say, "Put the bunny back in the box."

Granted he had little bit of sanity left but for the life of him, John couldn't help but feel a bit of joy every time he said something that the most memorable actor of all time had said.

"Ah not the bees!" He joked.

 **Meanwhile in another timeline...**

"What are you doing Sollux?" Feferi asked.

The black and yellow threaded troll look to the heavens above and said, "I sense a disturbance."

 **Back with John.**

Gamzee left him alone after a bit, probably from the random outbursts or maybe it was the quote where he started to chant, "I'm a vampire! I'm a vampire!"

A part of him hoped Kanaya wasn't around to hear that. He honestly didn't know if that was racist or not given his current state of affairs. Though after a bit he noticed someone sitting a couple of seats away from him just now. It must've been Terezi seeing as it was a girl with grey skin and he had to admit the costume definitely looked good on her.

Quickly he snapped at himself saying, _run now or forever regret sitting down in the future_! He noticed her looking back at him and he quickly broke eye contact to look at the counter. Noting that she had started to drink a couple of bottles as soon as she arrived. Making him feel uneasy at how fast she was emptying the contents in quick succession. Soon Gamzee came back over to him probably hoping John had calm down.

To which he had, _a bit_ , though his blood pressure went up at the idea of a drunk Terezi. From what he heard from Karkat about her past faygo drinking self back in his original timeline, things didn't get pretty when she ended up like that even though the drinks were technically non-alcoholic. _So the time to act would be now if it meant a easier time for him later!_ Said a small voice in his head.

He subtly moved next to her asking in a very calm tone, "So hows your evening been?"

She downed another bottle before answering, "Oh it's just been... I don't know, how to articulate the exact word for the moment but maybe something along the lines of 'smashing'?"

"Agreed, this whole soiree has been pretty eventful if you don't mind the obvious redundancy of that whole statement." John was doing his best to not come off as drunk as humanly possible. Though he almost started to laugh spontaneously when he thought of it as 'Roxyly' possible.

"Hmmm... I don't mind at all." She smiled.

Okay so she was in a good mood that's uh, good? "Terrific so what did you like the most?"

"Pardon?"

"Oh I just wanted to know what your opinion was encase there was anything that you didn't care for. Like the unnecessary amount of time it took to get everyone to show up in these costumes? You know if you have anything to complain about you have my full attention right now and I'd love to hear it." _Mostly because I could blackmail you later or call you out on any of your bull_.

Under her mask John could've sworn he noticed a raised eyebrow. "Granted you probably weren't the most coherent when you suggested it but I did have fun designing those outfits."

Okay now he was getting confused, like did he suggest this idea in the past? He couldn't recall most likely due to the alcohol and did Terezi really help in picking out the costumes style? That seems a little odd considering how shes blind but that never really stopped her before. Also John started to notice that her eyes weren't completely red. Did she have her blindness cured again in this timeline just so she could mess with him at the party later?

So many questions where buzzing around in his head though he decided to just go with it. "That might be true but despite the bad timing you did an amazing job."

"Hmm honest flattery for once, that's very nice. By the way would you like to know what I'd actually like to see you wear right now?" Her features putting on a innocent smile before she leaned over to his ear an whispered, "Nothing at all."

At that time John was very happy he was wearing a mask, because a blush had started to paint a good portion of his features red. While he tried his best to remain calm about the whole situation, after all this wasn't the first time they've done this. Though it might be the first time she has come off about this sort thing without insulting the way his clothes smelled or tasted for that matter. Prompting the normal ripping, tearing, and the occasional biting before he needed to ask Kanaya the next day if she could help him learn how to sew.

"If you like, I know a place..."

He offered his hand to her. Then once she closed it around hers, they left thanks to his power formally known as the 'Windy Thing' or whatever the whole teleportation shenanigan ability was called. Either way they left the bar to Gamzee who had a evil grin on his face as he cleaned up all the empty bottles from the counter top.

 **Later...**

They appeared on top of John's bed as they began, their lips meeting each other fast. As their mouths slowly spread apart as his tongue made it's way inside hers. For once she didn't try to fight for dominance over his advances while he noticed her hands dance underneath his shirt. Her palms trailing up his back as she pushed him further towards her body.

His hands rested on her waist though they slowly crept forward til he was squeezing her ass. Soon he broke off from their heated make out session even though her head subtly tried to follow after him. _Something feels different about Terezi tonight,_ he started to ponder but he shoved the notion aside. While she pushed him down on the soft bed, her hands starting to unbutton his shirt.

Then as chest was bare for the whole world to see she sighed, "Your a lot flatter than I remember."

"Hey I'm still growing." He drunkenly quipped.

She smiled at that before taking off the rest of his top off, "You've been saying that for years now."

Though before he could say anything, she peeled off the top her outfit. Exposing her breasts as she straddle him just below his waist. Like always he couldn't help but admire what he was seeing. His pants started to feel tighter as his cock begged to be free but unfortunately it was going to have to wait a little longer. John couldn't take being under her anymore and pushed himself up to her.

Sliding out from underneath the gap in her legs as he started kiss her from neck to cheek. Eliciting a slight sigh in pleasure from her as he wrapped one arm behind her waist and his other caressed her chest. John could feel he breathing get even harder before claiming her lips a second time. Though this time it seemed like she was breaking out of her unusual passive behavior.

Gripping the back of his head by the hair as her tongue pushed it's way inside of him. Feeling it trace along his gums and teeth as she occasionally wrapped around his own tongue in a loving hold. The thought of it around his cock became more apparent as it started to rub against their bodies as it grew in size. Prompting her to reach down to feel what was rubbing against her.

He moaned under her control as she toyed with it before sticking her hand inside his pants. After a bit she pulled away from their make out session as she asked, "You've been wearing that since the party be can?"

"Why not?" Feeling a little offended at her teasing both figuratively and quite literally.

Then while her hand was still inside she jerked his cock in a fast motion while she looked annoyed at the whole thing in general. While on the other side John released a small sigh at the sudden motion.

"You already have it strapped on I see."

Making him squint slightly at her before uttering, "Of course."

Though before she could say anything else he gently kissed her on the neck before whispering, "An I can't wait to break it in."

Much to his surprise he saw the troll shiver, making him wonder if it was in anticipation or if it was cold in his room. Ignoring the later since he believe wholeheartedly that it was something he could fix...

Next thing John did was get on his knees as they wrapped around each other. Her chest pressed against his as he did his best to push the rest of his clothes down with one arm. It was touch and go for a couple of second seconds with how his waist line got caught on his erection. Though once it was free the world felt more open as his partner's eyes did when they saw it.

Remarking at the craftsmanship of his length while he decided to just bite back his tongue on her statements. Really he knew his cock was a pretty big deal to himself though Terezi teasing about it being a toy was just more fuel for him to use when the time would 'come'.

"If you don't like the idea of it going in raw then might I suggest some improv'd lubrication?" He said.

"Just try not to get lost in your wild fantasies when I do it again dear."

He chuckled, "No promises."

After that her tongue streaked across the full extent of his cock. Making it grow out even further than before as she then started to lick the tip profusely. Suddenly she invited his cock into her mouth while John hissed in the air at her work. Bobbing her head on half of his length though he wasn't about to let her do a half-assed job. As his hand cupped the back of her head gently before he started to push her further along.

Genuinely deep throating her as the room filled with sounds of her mouth wetly gagging on his cock. Soon her hands slowly grabbed his waist as he thought she was about to push herself away from him. Only to pleasantly surprise John once she started to tighten her grip on him and pull herself forward. He moaned as she moved faster on his member and soon he would hit his limit.

She probably noticed it as he felt his cock throb inside her mouth because in the next couple of seconds he released his seed inside. They both ended up being a bit surprised when she pushed away choking. While she was busy trying to breath John tried to comfort her by asking if she was alright. Despite trying to ignore the pleasure from his earlier orgasm.

To which she responded, "You could've of told me that would happen."

"I'm sorry?" His doubts were beginning to creep back up on him until she shook her head.

"No it's fine, I just wasn't prepared for the new toy is all."

Though before he could say anything, she stripped off her remaining clothes except the party mask. Making him shut up as he stared at her beautiful figure and remarking to himself at how lucky he was that Rose didn't decide to marry Terezi. After that she asked where the bathroom was and she left for a couple of moments to clean herself up. As a part of him hoped she didn't resort to any of her normal habits as they continued. Flinching slightly as she returned to plant a soft kiss on his cheek as she dipped her head lower upon his neck.

John wasn't a stranger to what was going to happen next but he still despised the fact that she was probably going to leave his whole body covered in bite marks. It her little way of letting him remember who it was he was dealing with. Then once she found a spot, her tongue lightly dabbed the hot skin around his neck before sucking on it with her lips. Finally he felt her penetrate the flesh with two sharp fangs, making him feel slightly relieved at the fact that she didn't use all of her teeth like the annoying piranha she was.

Though a part of him couldn't understand why she was sucking his blood now. John dismissed this uncertainty as Terezi just being weird for the sake of being weird again. His breathing picked up the pace as he felt her pull away while she licked her teeth.

"Did it taste better than what you got before."

Prompting her to reply, "I don't know." Making him show off a pleased expression as she actually seemed to be wondering about it.

"Well to tell the truth it wasn't really made for your mouth." As he gestured to his cock in it's erected form covered in all sorts of fluids. Gently she gripped it with one hand as he laid back on the bed. Her body over his a she aimed his hot member at her entrance. Slowly squatting down on it as her knees bent outwards and her teeth biting on her bottom lip in response.

Her hips bucked as his cock filled her up, arousing a low wine in her throat at the pleasure. Meanwhile John moaned the same, feeling a bit happy that he got off with a minor wound for once as she started to pump up and down bit by bit. His cock being wrapped around her moist walls as they moved against each other. Her movements picking up speed as she bounced on top of him.

Her breasts pranced in the air as she grabbed the back of her head. The sight and the way she made him feel was driving him crazy as they found ecstasy in each other. Finding herself wanting more as she pumped faster on his cock. While his hands gripped the comforter as the bed began to squeak under her assault. Wet sounds could be heard from their time connected as it began to fill the room as they got closer and closer...

Until finally she released a loud wale as they reached their climax at the same time. John released a heavy moan as his cock erupted inside her while the troll's walls clinched on it before releasing her juices. Covering the lower part of his body until she eventually laid back down on top of his body. Her head face down against his as they shared a moment in the afterglow with unabated breath.

While they were still connected John weakly whispered into her ear, "That was freaking great..."

"I know... I can't wait for round two..." She kissed him on the cheek as a part of him was filled a mix of joy and fear at what the future had in store for him.

 **In the mourning...**

The sun peered through his windows as he rose from bed, checking his clock. Only to sigh in disappointment as he had overslept past twelve in the evening. His head was pounding from last night while he tried to remember what happen. Recounting that he went to a party to celebrate his friend getting married then he met up with Terezi. After that...

"Mmmhmm..."

He heard the girl beside him moan as she tried her best to wake up and take off the covers wrapped around her. John noticed the masks on the floor making him think about what had possessed them to keep them on through the night. Maybe it was kink or some other depraved reason. Though it matter little once they looked back at each to see a huge surprise.

"Oh." John started.

"My." Kanaya added.

Then before the revelation hit them at full force something broke down John's front door. Then it was followed by a angry shout!

"JOHN FUCKING EGBERT!"

Quickly he scrabbled out of bed looking for his pants fast as her footsteps stomped up his stairs. Suddenly his bedroom door was blasted off it's hinges as Rose stepped into the room. A part of him noticed that she wasn't just about to kill him but also she had a couple of bite marks around her neck. If he wasn't about to die this would've made him laugh for the rest of the week.

Though the moment past as a streak of white energy nearly took his head off.

"WHOA WAIT ROSE- I DIDN'T KN-!" He was cut off as another spell fired off from her wand. Nearly blasting a hole through his gut but fortunately enough he rolled out of the way.

Only to find himself stumbling to his knees as she advanced on him. John could feel the death radiating off of her glare but before the final blow could be struck he said.

"Windy thing."

*SHHOOOMMM*

His body turned into air just as she was about to kill him.

 **Meanwhile...**

Karkat woke up in the morning feeling unbelievably sore after spending the night with Jade and Dave again after the reception. He didn't know why or how he ended up with a stupid fucking hangover but he blamed whatever the fuck Gamzee did to his drink. For fucks sake it was only one cup too, yet it packed such a fucking punch, _was he a lightweight?_ He wondered.

Though he just convinced himself that he wasn't and the clown just put some stupid concoction in his drink. Seriously who in the right mind let that guy run a mini bar of all things? He groaned as his temper flared causing his headache to throb again. Karkat sighed as he just wanted to get a bottle of water out of the fridge and not have to think about all the stupid shit his friends got him into yesterday.

Then as he opened the door a hand gave him the water, "Thanks John."

"No problem."

After that the troll shut the door until a couple of seconds past and he opened the refrigerator again. Seeing John huddle up in there as he held onto all the food and drinks in his arms with a goofy grin on his face.

"What the fuck are you doing in there!?"

"I live here now." He replied.

"The fuck you do asshole, get the hell out!"

Quickly John shut the door on him saying, "This is were I'll live until Rose has calm down so until then tell me what you want and I'll get it for you."

"What the ever vomiting shit are you talking about?" As Karkat said that his phone went off. It was a text message from Kanaya asking him for advice about some sort of mistake she made last night.

After a couple of minutes of reading her text messages the troll went silent before saying.

"Okay you can live here for a couple of days, but if you eat any of my shit. I'll throw your dumbass to Lalonde."

"Deal."

 **Author's Confessions:** Thank you for reading and happy Halloween! I just wanted to make this since the last time I tried it in another story, I ended up getting writer's block and canceled the story. So here I am once again, also is this really the first KanJon ship in the rated M section that isn't in Spanish? PM me if you found one made at a earlier date than this one if so. That'd give me something to read later, anyway have a good one!


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